Okay, so there are bad stories about in-laws out there. I just don't get it! I don't understand in-laws that can't embrace one another and love one another. Heck! I can't understand families who can stop talking to one another completely.
I have some in-laws who believe rumors and have outright told my husband they wish he had never married me. After the fact, they have advised him to divorce me. He recently told me one of his sisters would like to beat me up.
I am no saint. But, I certainly am not EVIL. That is how I feel they think of me.
He is the "baby" of five with his closest sibling being six years older than him. And, all the siblings are female. So, mom is very protective and since he has already experience heartache from someone else leaving, she is even more protective.
But, I have tried to be my true self. They didn't like that I am so "open" about my feelings, opinions or whatever. So, I began guarding myself. Part of the reason I guarded myself to friendships is because our small town ... Well, the grapevine here is much like the old game. I would say something and it would be repeated and twisted until it was the exact opposite of what was really stated. NO friends in town!!! That became my cardinal rule. This family is in too deep with too many people whom I don't know to trust.
But, the hurt I feel over all of this runs pretty deep. I have lived here more than nine years. I have been married to my husband more than eight years. I don't feel like much more than an outsider in the town I live in. Fortunately, I work primarily in another town. But, some of my news stories are in this one and I have had one interview (unknown which one exactly) bite me.
Then, my in-laws think I say these nasty things and I have no way of defending myself.
Is it worth a defense? Or, should I just keep my guard up at all times?
3 comments:
Hey Jen-
You know you always have your true friends outside of the town you live in! If your husband hasn't listened to his parents yet, just remember...he is still with you. I know the true Jen and it is very heartbreaking to me that you feel like you can't be yourself in your own hometown. Let a little bit of yourself shine...and who knows...your husband just might stand up to his family!!! (and if he dosen't you know you alwas have a home here!!!) : ) Love ya!!
Yes. I always have my friends. Love ya, Ranie Friend!
Jen, I can relate to what you are talking about a little bit. I have had to suffer through situations at work or during grad school, when the department I was in had its own little rumor mill. It is a truly horrible feeling.
However, the most important thing to do is "live it down." Just keep doing your thing, without hiding in shame or acting defensive. Kill them with kindness. Let them see that you aren't going to stoop to their level.
Don't try to defend yourself directly to them or confront them because it won't do any good. However, it might not be a bad idea to let them know that you will not accept bad treatment of yourself. In other words, if someone starts cutting you down, you could say something like "Excuse me, but I don't appreciate the way that you are talking to me. I don't have to stand here and take this when you are being so rude and disrespectful" and just walk away. It will probably make them angrier at first but they will eventually learn to respect you.
I would definitely be careful whom you confide in. You might try to cultivate some safe friends in town, maybe people from church or a women's Bible study or mom's group or someplace where you can have friends that are separate from all this wierdness.
I'm really sorry you're going through this! Keep in mind, though, that the important thing is that your husband chose you for his wife. That's all that matters!
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